Jiggery Pokeries

Just as I was beginning to feel confident as a First Bus regular, I thrust my arm into the road to flag down the X39 only to ram it into some poor man’s jugular. Interrupting wide-eyed apologies he laughed, “Thought you was tryna hit me there for a minute!”

Then, on the route supposedly bound for the train station, I looked out the window to see a lovely country field dotted with sheep. This was new. “Excuse me, are we not heading to Temple Meads?” The driver stared straight ahead, jutting his thumb in the opposite direction. I’ve now come to terms with the fact that embarrassing myself in front of the locals has become part of a weekly routine.

On Tuesday I volunteered with Helen and Mary at their church charity shop, The Melting Pot. I’m convinced the twins are the reason it stays up and running, and I spent an ungodly amount of time untangling wire hangers, while Mary found it hilarious to pelt me with them from across the store.

I’m pleased to report I’ve won twice at Rummikub since practicing with Mike, Helen, and Mary after dinner; once on my own, once because Helen let me. “Tea’s ready!” means dinner is ready, and I rather like the sound of it. Last night Mary had a coughing fit for a full 30 seconds before giggling triumphantly as she held up a pomegranate seed that had gone down the wrong pipe.

Here are a few things I’ve learned in the last fortnight:

— Drip coffee is called “filter coffee” and is nearly impossible to find: “Erm… we could make you an americano.” Once I finally found a shop that served pour overs, the barista said, “Now we recommend this black.” You go girl—educate these Brits!

— Spiders the size of a human fist dwell in English homes, and elderly roommates will chastise you for killing them, pointing to the drawer where the “spider vacuum” is kept

— “You alright?” is the American equivalent of “what’s up?” and does not require a full account of your mental health journey

— “We’ll leave at half 8:00″ means 8:30. I prefer this.

And now a few quotable quotes from my wonderful hosts:

“Esther’s off fiddling with her plums!” — Mary on Esther’s plum dessert recipe

“I told her she should phone some younger people to sell those noodles. Young families do love pasta nowadays.” — Helen on Italian telemarketers

“Right then, I’ll just pop these jiggery pokeries out of the oven.” — Mike on his famous springs rolls for Chinese night (frozen from Marks & Spencer)

“Oh! a dead body on a lawn. Do you fancy a dead body on a lawn? No, I don’t think we’ll watch a dead body on a lawn.” — Helen on the TV guide

Mary and Helen accidentally wearing the same top to dinner, just before Mary choked on a pomegranate seed